Newborn Sleep, Explained: What’s Normal, What’s Not & When to Get Help

Another common myth is that keeping your baby awake during the day will lead to better sleep at night. This can actually have the opposite effect. Less sleep during the day can lead to fragmented night sleep, short naps and early morning wake-ups because it increases the stress hormone, cortisol. Good naps regulate cortisol and lead to better sleep at night.

And another is that your baby should sleep in a well-lit room. It is understandable to want your baby to nap anywhere, and newborns can often sleep through ordinary daytime light and household sounds. You do not need to train a newborn to sleep in a bright room, however. During the first weeks, help your baby learn the difference between day and night by opening the curtains, spending time outdoors or near a bright window during the day and keeping nighttime feeds and diaper changes dim, quiet and calm. As your baby’s circadian rhythm matures and melatonin production increases over the first few months, darkness becomes a stronger cue for sleep, so a dark room can support more consistent naps and nighttime sleep.

Most experts recommend waiting until a baby is about 4 months old before beginning formal sleep training, although readiness varies by baby. Around 4–6 months, circadian rhythms are becoming more established, and most babies are developing skills that help them settle with less assistance.

Before then, you can still build healthy sleep habits by following a consistent bedtime routine and giving your baby regular opportunities to fall asleep on a flat surface in their safe sleep space. Keep the sleep environment dark and comfortably cool; if you use white noise, keep the volume low (no more than 50 decibels) and place the device away from the crib. Always follow current safe-sleep recommendations and talk with your baby’s health care provider before starting sleep training, especially if your baby was born prematurely or has feeding, growth, breathing, or other medical concerns.

First, give yourself some grace. The first weeks with a new baby often feel chaotic and unpredictable, and that is normal. Even if you have other children, every baby and every postpartum recovery are different. You and your baby are both recovering from birth and adjusting to new routines, so don’t expect a dependable schedule right away. Newborns sleep in short stretches, move between active and quiet sleep and wake frequently to feed. Your baby will gradually be able to sleep for longer stretches at night without feeding, working up to 5-8 hours a night by 12 weeks. Every baby is different though and progress is rarely linear.

Your mood and your baby’s sleep are closely connected. When you’re feeling stressed, anxious, or depressed, it can affect how your baby sleeps. Research shows that emotional distress in moms is strongly linked with more disrupted sleep in infants. Babies of mothers experiencing anxiety or depression often wake more at night and have a harder time settling into sleep.

One reason for this is that when you’re overwhelmed or exhausted, it’s harder to respond to your baby in a consistent way. For example, you might rush in right away sometimes, and other times wait longer because you’re drained. This inconsistency can make it harder for babies to learn to settle themselves, which may lead to more night wakings.

But the connection goes both ways. If your baby isn’t sleeping well, you aren’t sleeping well either. And when moms sleep poorly, they’re more likely to experience symptoms of depression and anxiety, which can make parenting feel even harder.

The good news is that improving your baby’s sleep can also improve your emotional well-being. Studies show that when infant sleep gets better, maternal emotional distress often improves too.

Some sleep disruption and fatigue are expected after having a baby, but severe or persistent symptoms should not be dismissed as “just part of parenthood.” Hormonal changes, recovery from birth, sleep loss and the demands of caring for a newborn can contribute to brief mood changes known as the “baby blues.” These symptoms are usually mild, begin in the first few days after birth and improve within about two weeks.

A perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD) can occur during pregnancy or during the first year after birth and may be more intense, last longer or interfere with daily functioning. Some signs that you may need professional help include:

• Symptoms that are severe, are getting worse or last longer than two weeks
• Anxiety, sadness or irritability that interferes with daily tasks or caring for yourself or your baby
• Difficulty sleeping even when you’re exhausted
• Persistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, overwhelm or being out of control
• Loss of interest or pleasure, or difficulty feeling connected to your baby
• Frightening or unwanted thoughts, including thoughts of harming yourself or your baby
• Extreme confusion, paranoia, unusual beliefs, or hearing or seeing things that others do not

If something feels wrong or you do not feel like yourself, contact your obstetrician, primary care provider, or mental health clinician immediately; you do not need to wait for a routine postpartum visit. Tell a trusted person what you are experiencing and ask them to stay with you or help care for the baby. Hallucinations, delusions, paranoia or severe confusion after birth may signal postpartum psychosis—a medical emergency that requires immediate evaluation. PMADs are treatable, and with appropriate support, people recover.

Ignore: “Sleep when the baby sleeps.” It sounds helpful, but it is not realistic for many parents. You may have other children to care for, household tasks that need to be done or work responsibilities, or you may be unable to fall asleep on demand even when you are exhausted.

Follow: Protect your opportunities to rest and ask for help.

• Ask for specific help. Have a partner, family member or trusted friend care for the baby while you nap or rest. It may be easier to relax when you know someone else is responsible for the baby.
• Protect one longer block of sleep when possible. Coordinate shifts with another caregiver—for example, one person covers the early evening and the other takes the early morning. The exact length will depend on your circumstances, but aim for a 4 hour block of time if you can.
• Use good sleep hygiene. Limit caffeine later in the day, dim the lights and reduce stimulating screen use before bed, and go to bed when you have a realistic opportunity to sleep. It is understandable to want personal or couple time, but during the newborn stage, rest may need to take priority.
• Rest even if you cannot sleep. Lie down, close your eyes and put your phone aside when another trusted adult is caring for the baby.

Severe fatigue is also a safety concern. Avoid feeding or soothing your baby on a sofa or armchair if you might fall asleep, and return your baby to their own firm, flat sleep space as soon as you start to feel drowsy. If you cannot sleep even when you have the opportunity, or exhaustion is affecting your mood, functioning or safety, contact your health care provider.

Do what is best for you and your baby. If feeding or rocking your baby to sleep at 3 a.m. feels right for you, do it. If you are exhausted and another overnight feeding or rocking session feels unsustainable, that is okay too. You do not need to feel guilty or selfish because another parent would make a different choice.

There are many opinions on social media and in parent groups about how to improve a baby’s sleep. You may have heard that sleep training is traumatizing or damages attachment. Current research has not found evidence that appropriate sleep-training approaches cause long-term harm to children or parent-child attachment. At the same time, ongoing sleep deprivation can negatively affect both babies and parents. Sleep benefits the whole family: your baby needs it to support healthy growth and development, and you need it to care for yourself and your baby.

And if you feel like you can’t do it on your own, or you’ve tried and it’s just not working, find a certified pediatric sleep consultant that you feel comfortable with to help coach you through the process. It just may be one of the best decisions you ever make\!